What is happening? We were the ones who got affected, we were the ones who lost friends, families, we were the ones who lost the life we have always known, and yet we are the ones being ridiculed by the government, by the President who, of all people, we expect to be the one to spearhead in helping us get through this. THIS. THIS means the darkest days, months, and maybe years of our f@%cking lives. And what are they doing? Instead of giving us a hand, they pushed, kicked and shoved us aside, blaming us for the deaths of the people we loved. Excuse me, you bastard, we never intended for this to happen and frankly, being hit by the super typhoon, being the center of it IS NOT OUR FUCKING FAULT. Yes, I get that your concern was that we weren’t prepared enough which caused the thousands of deaths, but what do you want us to do? Build a fucking time machine, go back to that wretched day and maybe save a few more lives? Because to be honest, no matter how much we prepare, THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. Because, for pete’s sake this was a freaking super typhoon that should have been labelled category 6 which is even stronger than the hurricane Katrina that killed thousands in the US. We don’t get to choose if we wanted to get hit, I mean no one can, and not that I wanted it to hit other places but right now all we need is your support. Stop rubbing salt on our wounds, because they are barely healing and may not heal at all of you keep ripping it open and striking where it hurts the most. What happened to being ONE COUNTRY? Shove that up your ass ‘cause you are not fooling us, not now. Not ever. Not after what you did. F@&K YOU AND MAY YOU BE DAMNED IN HELL.
You don’t surround yourself with people that make you feel like shit.
I wish that I can talk to someone. Someone I could confide with all the things that had me bothered, or the things that I just need to get off my chest. With everything so pent up inside, I just want to burst out and yell and shout and curse at people. But then, I get a hold of myself and just keep it in, smile and act like it didn’t faze me. That I am okay. But I am not. Because even if I know they don’t mean it, it still hurts. And with the constant reminder that I am just some annoying person that isn’t supposed to belong, I really don’t know what to do. All of these goes crashing through my chest, making it as heavy as thousands of anvils stacked together. Those blunt replies that make you feel shit, well, they make me feel something more than shit. Even if I want to do the same, I don’t have the heart to do so. *sigh This is getting dramatic, and I hate it. But words help me release all these, it helps me feel better even if just a little.
Random shit I write…
Some time in your life, you meet someone and in an instant, you see both of your lives intertwining in the future and you have this thought in your head that she will be THE one for you. And you keep that thought in your head and you stop looking at other girls because you have patterned your brain to think otherwise. You keep telling yourself that she is the one for you, that she will be your forever girl. One whom you would gladly give up a part of your life, and all of your heart, just to please. And the sad thing is, she belongs to someone else and you can’t do anything but watch her give her heart away, one you think must belong to you and only you. Despite of this, you lay faithful, thinking that someday she will wake up and decide that you are the one she should be in love with.
But then, you start to realize things. You realize that you can’t talk to her about your favorite books because she thinks they are lame. You realize that she cares more about the color of her nail polish than what you have to say. You realize that she doesn’t like your habit of eating a lot. You realize that you can never have long conversations with her because it always turns awkward. You realize that she has never been the perfect fit for you. That she has never been the puzzle piece that completes you all along.You have wasted all those time pining for her. And you realize how blind you were all those times.
And with that, you move on. Or I guess, you never really move on when what you felt wasn’t real in the first place. You see the world, your world, has a greater scope without her being its focus. You look at the sky and see that it has never really been her who you thought will take you up there. And you may even start realizing that you have been looking at the wrong person all along. That she’s just right by your side, waiting for you.
MY LIFE SUCKSSSSSSSSS… I mean, at least my grades do.
Ugh. I have been working my ass off, balancing my time-consuming extra-curricular activities and my overwhelming academics, just to get a grade average enough to be a college scholar. But alas, my grade in Math11 had to be sooooooooooo low to pull my average down. Now, I am 0.03 percent short of being a college scholar which EFFING SUCKS. And I am now depressed about it. SUPER DEPRESSED. WTH. Okay, kill me now -_-